


hold my hand and help me through it

by multifanwho



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: ALRIGHTY so turns out this is a two parter now, Coming Out, F/F, First Hand Hold, One Shot, Short One Shot, bi!yaz, pillow fort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21796594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifanwho/pseuds/multifanwho
Summary: The first time thirteen properly holds Yaz's handThe first time Yaz comes outThe first time they both realise something might be there.
Relationships: Thasmin - Relationship, Thirteen/Yaz, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 50





	hold my hand and help me through it

“Doctor?” 

The crashing and banging coming from the control room gives away the time lords position immediately. She’s always tinkering while she waits for the rest of team TARDIS to visit home for a day or so. Yaz is just glad she decided to stay on Earth this weekend.

“Doctor?” Yaz calls for her again. The Doctor finally hears that she’s not alone and hits her head on the panel. “Oh, God! Are you okay?” Yaz hurries over to help her up.

“I’m fine! I’m fine, I’m good. Helmet got the worst of it.” The Doctor jumps up with a beaming smile, but if fades after two second of analyzing Yaz’s face. “You’re sad, why are you sad, you’re not allowed to be sad in the TARDIS, only I’m allowed to be sad in the TARDIS.” 

“I’m not sad, I’m just…” Yaz crumbles under the intensity “There’s a lot of things going on. Inside my head.”

“I have a good way to clear out heads.” The Doctor says. 

“Why does that sound like you’re going to drill into my brain?” 

“What? Stars no.” The Doctor scoffs. “No, come on, I’ll show you.” 

Yaz has no other choice but to follow the Doctor and keep her pace up otherwise she’ll be lost in the depths of the TARDIS for eternity. They Doctor is muttering away to herself the entire time but Yaz isn’t listening nor would she be able to pay any kind of concentration to her anyway. Her mind is racing but she doesn’t feel lost. That’s never how it’s been. She’s always known but until now she’s never felt the need to say it nor has she been ridiculed for it before now. A chance meeting with old school ‘friends’ and some harsh comments have made her think. Doubt herself and how she feels. So she’s come to the one person she knows won’t judge or ridicule her (at least not without good reason).

“Doctor where are we going?” Yaz asks when she feels like she’s been walking behind her forever.

“You’ll see! I’m sure it’s one of these rooms… Ah! Here!” 

The Doctor swings open the door to her right to reveal a room with two beds two purple sofas and a collection of stuffed toys. 

“Are you suggesting I should take a nap?” Yaz asks. “Sleep all my problems away?”

“No.” The Doctor rolls her eyes. “We’re going to deconstruct all of this to make a pillow fort.”

“Doctor I’m in my twenties.” Yaz protests. 

“C’mon, it’ll be fun. I’m way past- and I mean  _ waaaaaay _ past- my twenties and I still do this.” The Doctor grins and throws herself into the room, throwing her arms out wide to say ‘look at my creation! Look at all the possibilities’. But, upon seeing Yaz still not moving for the idea, The Doctor takes a bedsheet, moves towards Yaz and throws it around her. Yaz now has no choice but to move into the room as the Doctor pulls on the sheet and brings her in close before releasing her again. “Come on Yaz, whatever it is, this will cheer you up.” 

“I don’t think it will.” Yaz says. She hopes the Doctor didn’t hear the lump forming in her throat or notice how her eyelashes are batting back tears. 

“Give it a try. If it doesn’t work, I’ll listen afterwards.” The Doctor softens for her. 

“Can’t you just… sonic the fort up or something.” Yaz asks. Really she just wants to get it out of her system. 

“No. That takes out the fun, healing element. Now come  _ on _ .”

Yaz puts up with it. Even cracks a smile at one point when the Doctor gets herself stuck in a duvet cover and can’t find the exit again for a solid couple of minutes. The only time she gets distracted from her internal monologue is when she sees the bean pole of a woman lifting sofas and mattresses with her own sheer muscle strength. She’s caught herself staring at her arms before now but she didn’t realise the extent of her strength until she tries to move a mattress herself and realises how hard it is. But it still doesn’t work. There are still things in her head that need to run through her vocal chords, past her lips and into the world. 

The end product is sweet though. Turns out some of the sheets have embedded twinkling lights and with a turn of the sonic they light it up and make the little cave feel warm against the cool tone of the blue TARDIS technology. The Doctor crawls onto the mattress and settles herself in, patting the space next to her inviting Yaz in. Yaz crawls in too, making sure not to touch any sides of the fragile structure in case it collapses on them and the Doctor insists on building it again because this conversation just  _ had _ to happen inside the fort.

“It didn’t work, did it.” The Doctor says defeated. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologise.” The Doctor says firmly. Somehow it made Yaz feel even more safe. “I’m a good listener, hit me.” 

“You get distracted when you walk past something glowing and sparkly.” Yaz sighs, knowing the chance of getting interrupted is fairly high. 

“Yes but there’s obviously something going on. I’m here to help- heal. That’s why I chose my title.” 

“It’s um… it’s something really quite personal.” Yaz says, keeping her eyes forward to protect herself from the Doctor’s prying eyes. 

“I’m not as awkward with this stuff if you think I am, Yaz.” The Doctor says softly. She hasn’t heard her sound that soft since she asked Hanne if she was blind in Norway. Blimey that feels like a lifetime ago. “I can help.”

“I don’t think you can help because it’s not a problem it’s just… I don’t know how to… there’s so much, it just…”

Yaz tails off at the feeling of slender fingers picking up her hand. Yaz can’t keep her eyes straight anymore at the feeling of it and she has to look down at her hand. The Doctor isn’t exactly holding her hand, but she’s rubbing small circles in the center of her palm and it sends a nice sort of tickling vibration into her nervous system. 

“Is that some kind of time lord trick?” Yaz says, suddenly feeling quite soothed under her caressing touch.

“No.” The time lord curls her fingers around Yaz’s fingers properly and fully and Yaz’s breath gets stuck in her throat. She’s never done this before with her. Not properly. Not when they’re safe from danger and simply on their own. “Just me.” 

“Doc-” Yaz has to clear her throat so it doesn’t come out as a squeak. She didn’t think her heart would be racing this much. She hadn’t prepared for the extra nerves that come along with the Doctor  _ holding her hand _ . “Doctor I’m-”

Yaz gets taken back by the shakiness of her voice. Why is she being like this? Yeah she’s known it for so many years, why is it so hard to just vocalize it. She turns her head to look at the Doctor, who is turning on all her brain cells to transfer empathy and kindness. 

“Doctor I’m bisexual.” The words spill out fast and almost inaudible. 

“Sweet.” The Doctor smiles and squeezes her hand a little tighter. “But why is that making you sad?” She frowns along with all of the lines on her aged face. 

Yaz finds it cute that she can’t comprehend how there can be a problem with it. Surely in all her time of travelling around the universe, and they amount of times she’s found herself on planet Earth, she must have seen the more horrible side of humanity. The judgmental, nasty side that particularly minority groups have to deal with day in day out. Maybe the Doctor’s trying to focus solely on her because for once, in this moment, she doesn't care about any other human.

“You’re crying.” The Doctor says, tugging on her arm and forcing Yaz to rest her head on her shoulder. 

“You’re the first person I’ve ever told.” Yaz snivels. Boy this is so overwhelming. 

“And I’m proud of you for it.” The Doctor says with a soft smile at the corner of her lips. 

The Doctor has also started to absentmindedly rubbing her thumb against Yaz’s and Yaz can feel herself melting under the touch. The next time they have to grab onto each other to get out of danger Yaz makes a mental note to insist she holds her hand like this. Actually, she’ll insist on being held like this anyway, no matter what else is happening or who else is around to see.

“I saw some people I used to go to school with. They asked me if I've ‘picked a side’ yet and then passed it off as a joke but it’s not a joke to me.” Yaz explains. 

“That annoys me.” The Doctor says. “You fall for who you fall for.” 

Yaz sighs contently. She knew the Doctor wouldn’t let her down in making her feel better. 

“With the bi thing…” The Doctor coughs and stutters. “are-are aliens… included in that?” The Doctor asks hesitantly, loosening her grip so that Yaz can disappear if she wants. Somehow Yaz doesn’t feel the need to run or hide.

“Depends what kind of alien.” Yaz mumbles. 

Yaz turns her head in sections, cautious of what the look on the Doctors face is going to be at the suggestion. Seeing her trying not to smile makes Yaz’s heart flutter and she realises that actually, this isn’t as scary as Yaz thought it would be. The Doctor comes over all flustered with red cheeks. Yaz has never seen her with red cheeks before. Not even after a high speed chase and honestly it’s lovely to see that she’s more human than she likes to let on. Unable to process whatever kind of emotion is running through the Doctor’s brilliant brain, the blonde starts to fidget; wiggling her feet from side to side in their mucky boots and her thumb starts to tap on Yaz’s fingers. Yaz huffs out a smile and leans into the Doctor’s solid body, pushing her sideways until she hits her side of the fort. 

“Oh shit!” Yaz giggles as a mountain of pillows and covers and blankets fall on top of them, trapping them in with their hands still intertwined. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've never had my hand held romantically anyone wanna uuuuuh step up and help a touch starved lesbian out


End file.
